Thursday, August 22, 2013

OLD DOG AT PLAY

The wind whips through my rat's nest of hair, making salt-and-pepper snakes around my head. Tim and Mike are talking (about something important, I'm sure) but my head is somewhere else, off in a parallel universe where I no longer care about the things I have squandered.

My oldest friends, these men are, keepers of my biggest secrets and aware of all that has happened. I wish I felt closer to them; especially strange feelings burble inside me and it would be nice to spill them into the vault. But that's not going to happen — not right now, at least. In this time of reinvention and renewal I keep my own counsel. I am an old dog, but I do not rely on a bag of old tricks to make magic.

Tonight I stopped by a work gathering to say goodbye to Jamie, a bright light at the Paragraph Factory who is about to start her own reinvention. Amazon Addie and I traded hugs. JJ and I gigged each other. A couple of someones brought up Wingo and I immediately smiled at the memory of that fine and faithful friend.

As I looked around the room I saw several faces for the first time and realized how much I love some of my colleagues, and how life keeps pushing us forward, all of us, onward to new adventures that we often never see coming. We may even fight the tide as it pulls us into deeper waters, but eventually we all learn how to swim in the unfamiliar sea. For me the only way to do that is to keep in mind that I know what I'm doing. There are no oceans I cannot navigate.

I will never stop remembering where I've been, and if ever given the chance to immerse myself in the warm waters of the past I would dive in without a moment's hesitation. Malibu asked me tonight if it gets any easier and I told her my truth: with each new day it gets a little bit harder, a little more lonesome. I miss the ocean I once knew, storm squalls and all.

But I know I no longer have to be in those waters to survive. Armed with new tricks, this old dog finds himself in a curious but comfortable place — facing a future I never expected with serene confidence. I still desire a destiny that currently eludes me. I want it. But I no longer need it.

Well I know, I need, I feel we're going higher and higher.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

So, what IS next? Done at KSPR? Book?