Sunday, March 10, 2013


Sooner or later the body overwhelms the mind and gets what it needs. In this case, it's sleep — deep slumber, a dead man's sleep, punctuated by sharp and rapid returns to the Land of Awake, the dreams always just behind my eyes and on my lips.

Life is quiet, mostly silent. This is what suits me, a place where I can be alone with my thoughts, where I can accept what is happening and view it with relative detachment. I cannot allow myself the luxury of feeling too much, of venturing too far from the quiet. I have to keep my eyes closed and my mouth shut, lest I say what is on my mind. The vivid dreams tell me I'm doing plenty of thinking, but it all has to stay up there for now. I can't even begin to give voice to it.

Instead I sleep, still exhausted and barely breathing (and to quote Kanye, holding on to what I believe in). It's a ridiculous thing to do, I know, because I don't really believe in anything anymore. Life is one step forward each day. Yesterday was sunny and beautiful. Tonight there might be snow. I'm off to dreamland soon, where I can glory in the visions illuminating my mind and try to forget this ugly black-and-white world, if only for a little while.

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