A moon of hunger, hanging from the sky on my birthday — though seeing it will be difficult tonight, with rain and snow in the air. In this case, I can believe without the visual. I feel the sharpness of the Bone Moon in my chest and stomach. I am starving.
Last night I could see the moon's brilliance as the clouds roiled below her. Already voracious from weeks of enforced abstaining, I watched the moonlight and thought about nourishment and the lengths I would go to get it.
Marley said every man thinks his burden is the heaviest, and while I do not believe my starving soul compares to the real agonies of the world, I feel its weight on me, so I know it. Marley is right about this much: I must have done something wrong. Otherwise I would not find myself in this place, far from the things that sustain me, more distance added each day as I keep running away and running from myself.
I have removed my presence and been excised from most of what used to be my known world. I am surrounded now by orange-speaking people who fill the hours with words about how I'm better off, and with enough smoke in the air I almost start to believe them. But the talk does not sate me; the hunger only grows, and I know what I'm swallowing has little nourishment and contains only temporary pleasure.
This is my fault. I was too busy counting stars and lost the moon for a while. One night I looked up and realized how dark it was without the sun's light reflecting off the moon, and I understood once again how much I lose when the sunshine leaves my life. But by then I was too far off the path, in unfamiliar woods, with people who fed my ego but did not feed my soul.
Late last night as I contemplated shards I said a small prayer to the sun brightening the moon, and hoped it wasn't a bad moon rising and shining through the clouds. Bad times today, but better times tomorrow, I said to myself, looking with hope as the Bone Moon cut through the clouds and illuminated my face with its reflected sunshine.
Today I got my things together and prepared for nasty weather.