Sunday, December 02, 2012


Photo by Heather York

This time of year we are supposed to give, not get. But that's old-school hokum. The average shopper will spend $237 on "self-gifting" this holiday season, according to the National Retail Federation. Technically, it's still giving, but that's the voice of the selfish bastard in me. Charity and good will: those are the tenets I'm trying to maintain. I'm trying to be a good guy.

The holidays make it harder. Now that it's December, signs of the coming apocalypses — the Dec. 21 Mayan variety, and the Dec. 25 retail version — are coming into even sharper focus. Holiday parties are in full swing (mercifully, I work the night of the Paragraph Factory's annual shindig, so no worries there). Everyone will be ho-ho-hoing their asses off, while I try to stay small and still. The louder the revelry, the easier to slip into a quiet funk.

In some ways I'm looking forward to this month. I love giving gifts. My big problem is patience. Example: I purchased Heather's print with the idea of making it a Christmas gift. Once it arrived I couldn't not give it to the recipient. One early gift down, several more to go before Dec. 25.

I'm also getting hyped because of the hype about the world ending in the middle of a great retail season. I hope Friday, Dec. 21, is a good day to romp; there won't be any Mayan-style mayhem, but with the right company I can make a helluva noise. And hey, it'll be a very special Christmas, early-RED style. Combustibles all around!

See? That's the getting spirit — what the libertine wants. That, and some socks. I need some cool socks.

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