Wednesday, August 15, 2012


What's cooler than being cool? Ice cold.

My, but I wish this wasn't true.

But sometimes there is nothing to do except open your eyes and accept life, no matter how unreasonable the circumstances — no matter how mystifying the actions of lovely and enduring people.

Do not mistake my silence for surrender. Do not believe that I'm indifferent because I'm unable to speak without cracking. I'm just more than a little dead inside, dead and deaf and dumbstruck. And disposable.

In this sense I've graduated from the ranks of humanity. I still feel. I just don't know what to do with that anymore. I can't reconcile such overwhelming feelings of warmth with such palpable loathing. The ledgers do not balance. If I have worth, why am I so worthless?

I know what I need to do. Shut off from all that I once held dear, shunned and shown my actual value, I accept the inevitable.


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