Thursday, July 19, 2012

BEING BILL

Kill Bill is a masterpiece in two parts, the sort of movie(s) I could watch repeatedly because — much as the case with a cold November rain — there's a lot going on.

At times in my life I've felt like Budd, I've felt like Hattori Hanzō, I've felt like Pai Mei — but today I feel like Bill (though I lack The Deadly Viper Assassination Squad, dammit).

I feel used and used up, a man whose once-vaunted vigor has been replaced by weary fatalism, someone who has seen it all and really doesn't have the need or the stomach to witness any further foolishness.

It's not that I'm ready for the winding shroud — screw that noise. I haven't wasted time since May 5 and I'm not going to start wasting any time now. Thumbsucking is for suckers. I've got a lot of life still ahead; when I'm 70 I'll be dancing on the graves of the wannabes and losers who think I'm nothing but an old man now.

No, there's no lack of vim in this man; the Asian blood runs hot, and there are many exciting adventures still ahead, many cold dishes still to serve.

I simply realize that no matter how much you want it and how hard you try — even with a favorite person, a terrific person, as Bill would say — sometimes it's just not worth the effort. Caring only counts when it cuts both ways. The layer of cold grows. Good thing there's a sultry heatwave going on. Selah.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dance, Red, dance. Dance on the losers's graves. They do not deserve to know you. She does not deserve to know you.

Anonymous said...

I hate the way you talk to me,
and the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car,
I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots
and the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick,
it even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you’re always right,
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh,
even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it when you’re not around,
and the fact that you didn’t call.
But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you,
not even close…
not even a little bit…
not even at all.