Tuesday, June 26, 2012


GAWD, but this day ... I swear there is no reason for me to have even a hint of a smile on my face. The 4 p.m. newscast includes a 3-minute interview called a Community Closeup. We haven't had an interview scrubbed in the past year — and in the past week, there have been two no-shows, including one today. That's a chunk of time to fill on the fly, and sure, no problem, I landed the newscast on time without a crash — but God. GAWD. I could feel the pulse in my temple start to throb, the start of a mother of a headache.


I know: it's all relative. I had no idea this morning it would become such a rich joke by 5 p.m., but there you go. My head's still in a better place than it has been in days, but I don't really have a good reason to tell you why that's true.

I jumped the gun on a couple of things, that's for sure. It's the trouble you run into when you're trying to discern the intentions of others from a distance. But meh, whatever. I'm surprisingly sanguine about my life right now. I know what I'm looking for; I am certain of the goal I must attain in this bizarre landscape.

"When it comes to being confused, I think we're the masters," Calliope wrote today, and while she may be right about the short-term world, I'm not confused at all about the long-term goal, the prize. That certainty is why I have a half-smile on my face today. It's the thing that sustains me when the dross of the day intrudes. Everything else pales when I think about the things I have left to do in this world, the things I will accomplish. Bukowski was so right: we are terrorized and flattened by trivialities. Time to run over the trivial and make it clear who's running my life and making me happy: it's me. Hence, the smile. Hey there. Hiya.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I read your blog and I ask if you understand how much you let Calliope manipulate. Do yourself a favor and cut off all contact before she does it. She's not confused, she's playing you like a guitar.